Takeout
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Dick and Tim have a day off, and Dick spends it torturing Tim...what else are big brothers for?


Tim walked into the room to see Dick sitting on his sofa in front of the TV. "What are you doing?"

Dick didn't even turn to see who it was. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Tim moved closer. "Eating cold Chinese takeout out of the container."

Dick took another bite of the cold food. "Yup, that's what I'm doing."

Tim suppressed a shudder. "Why?"

Dick looked at him like it should be obvious. "The Chinese takeout containers can't go into the microwave because of the little metal handles."

Tim knew he was going to be sorry, but he couldn't help but ask, "So?"

Dick rolled his eyes. He wasn't sure why Tim wasn't getting this. He knew the kid was smart. "So, I have to eat it cold."

Tim shook his head. Dick never did look past the obvious option. "You know, you could put the food onto a plate."

Dick shrugged as he took another bite. "Why dirty the plate?"

Tim sighed. "A paper plate?" It was worth suggesting, even if he knew Dick wouldn't go for it.

Dick chewed slowly just to annoy Tim and then swallowed. "No, not sturdy enough."

Tim looked away for a moment. That was just gross. It was bad enough Dick was eating it cold; he didn't need to prolong the process. "They make heavy duty paper plates for people like you, you know."

Dick smiled at the reaction he got from Tim. "But then that's more trash, and that's not exactly eco friendly."

Tim glared at the Chinese takeout container for a moment. "You could take the handle off of the container."

Dick had a piece of chicken on his fork as he pointed the fork at Tim and continued to explain things to him. "Nope, tried it, and it doesn't work. You see, the containers are put together in a highly special way. It's an intricate art form."

Tim folded his arms over his chest and stared at Dick with a raised eyebrow. "Oh really? How is folded cardboard an intricate art form?"

Dick smiled again, and continued to point at Tim with his fork which still had the piece of chicken on it, bobbing it in every direction as he spoke. "How is folded paper an elaborate art form? It's the same thing except the containers are held together by the little metal handle, and trust me on this, removing the little metal handle brings terrible destruction."

Tim almost laughed. "Let me guess it unfolds into a flat mess."

Dick finally stopped pointing his fork at Tim and ate the piece of chicken, making a show of it just to gross Tim out some more. "You got it. So, you see, I have to eat it cold."

Tim did shudder this time. "You're disgusting, you know that, and you could take the handle off and put a piece of tape over the part that holds it together."

Dick stopped for a moment mid-chew, and then swallowed. "Do you know what happens to tape in the microwave?"

Tim thought about that for a moment. He had done some interesting things with chemicals and he had microwaved plenty of stuff people probably shouldn't, but tape had never even been one of the things he had considered. "No, I can't say that I've ever put tape into the microwave."

Dick grabbed the remote next to him on the couch and started flipping through channels. "Yeah, well neither have I, but that seems like a hell of a lot of work for day old Chinese takeout."

Tim sat down next to Dick on the sofa. "Yeah, I guess it is. Anyway, what are you watching?"

"Nothing, here you search for something." Dick dropped the remote into Tim's lap as he continued to eat his cold Chinese food.

Tim smiled evilly as he picked up the remote. "You're giving me the remote? This could be dangerous."

Dick rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever--just no nature programs, or those science programs that only talk about how we're all going to be dead in 50 years."

Tim continued to flip through the channels. "I was actually going to put on the one about the sun expanding. At least that one gives the human race 5 billion years, or so."

Dick snatched the remote out of Tim's hand. "Yeah, I don't need to hear about the sun becoming a red giant."

Tim sighed. "You know maybe this is why we don't get many days off."

Dick turned to look Tim in the eyes. "Why? Because we spend the entire day doing nothing?"

Tim smiled, and shook his head. "No, because we spend the entire day talking about cold Chinese takeout and the containers it comes in."

Dick nudged Tim with his elbow. "Hey, at least we don't think the takeout containers are some alien tech designed to monitor the human race like Bruce does."

"Yeah…wait…what?" Tim just stared at Dick like he was crazy.

Dick patted Tim on the shoulder. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

The End


End file.
